


Carpet doesn't match the drapes

by deathbyOTPin123



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Dry Humping, Ed is surprised, First Time, M/M, Not literally, Oral Sex, Oswald is done, So much he freezes up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-08
Updated: 2017-11-23
Packaged: 2019-01-30 23:33:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12663720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deathbyOTPin123/pseuds/deathbyOTPin123
Summary: “What goes up and down a hallway but never moves?” Came a quick reply. A riddle. Great.-------Ch2 - Things continue in the bedroomCh 3 - The events from three weeks ago





	1. Chapter 1

Ed’s warm, wet tongue slid into his mouth, teasing his own. He tangled his fingers into the slicked-back curls. A moan got caught in his throat as he was pulled up by the hips, his hard cock pressing to Ed’s stomach through layers of clothes. The hands moved slowly to his ass, squeezing it as the other man’s tongue fucked into his mouth. A promise of what was to come.

Ed pulled back a bit, letting Oswald sink into the armchair, his twisted leg hanging over the armrest. His suit jacket was lying somewhere on the floor. Tossed there earlier in the evening. The fireplace was lit, spreading a warm light across the room. An empty bottle of wine stood on the table, along with the glasses and dirty dinner plates.

Ed dragged his palms up Oswald’s chest, shoulders, neck, finally ending up in his hair. He tilted his head back and licked a stripe from his collar to his ear. He traced the shape of the shell to the center of it, ending with a kiss.

Oswald shivered. So far in their relationship they’ve kissed, cuddled, and had a couple of intense makeout sessions, one of which included dry humping that resulted in creamed pants. But they were yet to see each other naked and actually have sex. By the looks of it, tonight was the night. And Oswald wasn’t going to let anything get in the way.

They were back to heated kisses now. His hands resting on Ed’s elbows. Nimble fingers removed his tie and unbuttoned his shirt and his vest. He pushed up enough so Ed could slide the clothes off his shoulders. He continued to moan and gasp as open mouth kisses were strewn across his chest in no discerning pattern. A long lick of a tongue here and there.

Ed moved away, admiring his work. Oswald’s hair was sticking out on the side, his lips wet and red, his clothes pushed out of the way. Looking at the state of his boyfriend now, he could only guess how debauchered he would look once they were finished.

They locked eyes. He settled on his knees, between Oswald’s legs. Licking his lips, he let his gaze travel down to the visible bulge in the dark trousers. To make his intentions clear, he bent down swiftly, in one fluid motion, and let his lips ghost over the clothed erection.

“Fuck”, Oswald panted, his voice hoarse. Ed gave him a wide grin as he took off his glasses.

“That’s the plan.”

“Don’t tease,” Oswald chuckled, then added in a more serious tone, “please. I can’t wait any longer, Ed.”

Ed hummed in approval, unbuttoned his pants and pulled down the zipper. Oswald gripped the armrest and closed his eyes as he felt fingers hook into his underwear. A lift of his ass, a tug of his clothes, and he was finally bared in front of his boyfriend.

“Huh.”

That didn’t sound good. He cracked his left eye open. Ed was staring at his cock, brows furrowed in concern, his mouth a thin straight line.

“Is something wrong?” He tried asking. There was no answer. “Ed? You know, you don’t have to…” Although he really, badly wanted him to, he wasn’t going to force Ed to do anything he was uncomfortable with. “Ed?” He tried again, opening his eyes completely. And then once more, louder, “ **Ed!** ”

This seemed to get the other’s attention.

“What goes up and down a hallway but never moves?” Came a quick reply. A riddle. Great.

“What?” Oswald said, slightly annoyed. “Are you asking me a riddle? Now?!”

“Carpet. Theansweriscarpet.”

“Carpet…” He parroted the words. “If you’re uncomfortable on the floor…”

“It’s not that-”

“Then what is it?!” Oswald exclaimed, wildly gesturing with his hands.

“Your carpet doesn’t match the drapes.”

All Oswald could to at that moment was stare at him in disbelief. Less than five minutes ago he was on the sure way to get laid. The dinner went perfect. The kisses got heated. His clothes were halfway off.

And now this.

His psycopath boyfriend wanted to talk about his home decore. In the middle of sex. Just as he was about to get a blowjob.

He opened and closed his mouth a couple of times, calming himself before answering, “Would you, perhaps, like to move this to another room?”

“Yes. But that wouldn’t make any difference.” Ed answered, perplexed. Oswald looked at him, head tilted to right. Waiting for him to elaborate.

“I mean, it’s obvious your hair style matters to you a lot, you are using products to style it every day in elaborate ways, leading to a conclusion that you must have appointed time in your routine for that, it’s just that…” He paused for a moment. “I didn’t realise you’re dying it.”

If Oswald’s eyebrows could go higher, they’d end up in the aforementioned hair. He cast his gaze down, onto his crotch and his blond curls.

He worked his jaw a bit, before talking again in a sweet tone. “Mr Nygma? Are you telling me you’ve just stopped everything we were doing… and gone into panic mode… because I’m a natural blond and my… _carpet_ doesn’t match the color of my _drapes_?” It sounded just as sweet as he would always sound before going into a fit of rage or murdering someone. Sometimes both.

Ed kept quiet. He finally nodded. “They don’t match.”

“Would it help if I got rid of the carpet?” Oswald impatiently asked.

“Most definitely.”

Oswald nodded at that. He grabbed the armrests with both of his hands. With his healthy leg he shoved Edward, who fell back on his ass, out of the way, and got out of the chair. He pulled up his pants.

As he limped on his way across the room, Edward’s voice reached him “Where are you going?”

“To redecorate.” Oswald exclaimed theatrically, extending his arms and even bowing a little, before stepping through the bathroom door.

“Oh.” Edward concluded. A giggle escaped him as he realised something. He called over his shoulder, grinning. “Oswald?”

“Yes?” Came the annoyed reply. Something clattered in the sink.

“Let me know if you need help with moving the furniture out of the way.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You asked, I delivired.

When he returned to the room, Edward was sitting in the armchair, his hands on his knees. His glasses were back on. Oswald approached, wearing nothing but his purple bathrobe and leather slippers. He smiled at his boyfriend as he approached him.

Edward took hold of the bathrobe belt, but Oswald slapped his hand away. “I’d prefer if we continued in my bedroom. That is, of course, if you agree,” he shrugged. Edward beamed at him.

“Okey dokey.” He stood up and put a hand on Oswald's lower back. The other man grimaced as he limped. It was hardly noticeable, but Ed prided himself in being very observant. “Are you alright?” He asked a bit worried.

“Yes, of course,” Oswald denied, trying to smile. He continued forward but Ed gripped him by the elbow. His look was of pure concern as he towered over him. Looking away, Oswald continued, “It’s been a long day. My leg hurts.”

He dared a quick, sideways glance at Ed, who hummed in agreement. To reassure him, he turned around and stepped closer. He locked his hands behind Ed’s neck and leaned in. “I want this,” he looked him in the eye. “I want you. Tonight. In my bed, with me.” Ed’s smile was back on his face. “I’ll be fine as soon as I lay down.”

Before he got the chance to disengage, Ed picked him up, bridal style. He clutched his fingers around the other’s shoulders as sure hands held him. “Don’t worry, I won’t drop you. I hope you don’t mind but I think this would be better for you.”

“No, uh, it’s fine.” He huffed out in nervous laughter.

“If you want me to, I can put you back down-”

“No, no. It’s fine,” Oswald interrupted. “I-I just didn’t expect it. From a slim guy as yourself…” he added, admiring the strength he didn’t know Ed possessed. Truth be told, he enjoyed being held like this as he was carried to the bedroom. It felt safe.

“Did you know that a dead body is harder to carry because the muscles are relaxed, which causes the body to adjust and absorb our attempts to lift it as a unit? On the other hand a conscious person’s body acts as a rigid unit, allowing for easier carrying.” He blurted off as they entered the bedroom.

“Fascinating,” Oswald nodded with a smile, not knowing what else to say. Ed grinned like a predator as he lowered him in the center of the bed.

“I’ve carried a lot of dead bodies. Some of which I killed myself. And your body is very much alive,” he added in a low voice. He pulled down the end of the robe that slipped up, covering Oswald’s exposed knee. “I’m certain _rigidity_ won’t be a problem.”

Just as Oswald was about to pull him down and smash their mouths into a kiss, he wiggled away to stand by the bed. Out of reach. His eyes traveled up Oswald’s body, ending on his face. “Exquisite.” Oswald could feel his cock harden.

He remained lying in bed, wiping his sweaty palms on the sheets, as Ed took off his slippers then started to remove his own clothes. First the shirt was gone, exposing a tank top underneath, which stayed on for about a moment. Oswald clutched the sheets as the belt was unbuckled then tossed to the ground. He licked his lips as the pants were unbuttoned. Ed kicked off his shoes, took off his pants and socks. He was left standing in his boxer shorts, hands on hips.

Oswald admired the view, mouth slightly open. Ed was that type of guy that was all slim muscles. Maybe he didn’t look it, but there was strength in him. With a swift motion, he slid off his boxers and stepped out of them. His cock was hard and glistening at the tip, jutting from a tuft of dark curls.

Oswald audibly swallowed. Ed chuckled and climbed into bed. “Well now, what do we have here?” he asked as he wrapped an end of the bathrobe belt around his fingers. “May I?” Oswald nodded wildly in agreement. He realised he was blushing. The whole thing felt different from a while ago in the living room. He somehow felt more sober and self aware.

Ed pulled at the string, untying the knot. He threw the belt to the side. He slowly pulled away one and then the other side of the robe, fully uncovering Oswald, who was panting now. With his index finger, he traced around the shaved area in a wide circle then spiraled inwards. Before his finger got close enough to touch Oswald’s cock, he placed his palm where tigh met the hip and pressed their lips into a kiss.

Oswald felt searing heat, first from the hand touching the inside of his leg, and then on his whole side as Ed pressed into it. He felt the wet smear of precum on his thigh as the other moved his hips. Tongue slipped into his mouth as a finger was dragged down the inside of his hip, touching the now sensitive, shaven area. It slipped down between his cheeks, only to be dragged slowly up, over his perineum, his balls, his cock, up to the leaking tip.

He desperately gripped onto Ed’s shoulders as the finger lazily circled the tip of his cock. The tongue in his mouth mimicked the movement, before it was pulled away only to have the finger pressed into it as Ed licked the slick substance off of the digit.

“Fuck.”

Ed smirked at the words. He leaned in close enough to kiss and whispered, his hot breath hitting Oswald’s lips. “Mr Penguin, I must admit I like what you did with the place.” The fingers were back to his crotch, roaming. “The floor looks so clean,” he paused to chuckle, “one could eat of it.” Before Oswald could think of a reply to this slightly corny statement, Ed’s tongue moved to where his fingers were, dragging over the sensitive skin. He arched his back as finally a stripe was licked over his cock.

He pushed his fingers into dark curls while Ed held his cock out of the way, kissing and licking every inch of skin around it. When he was satisfied, he paced his lips over the leaking tip and sucked on it. Oswald moaned. Ed looked at him, over the rim of his glasses as he bobbed his head up and down.

“Stop,” Oswald gasped as he felt he was near his climax. He didn’t want this to end so soon. He tried to control himself, push his hips up in short movements. Ed sped up his pace, with both hand and mouth, and all the control he had was lost. He bucked up hard into Ed’s mouth who pulled off in response. His hand didn’t stop though, jacking him off fast. “Get over here,” he strained out, pulling his boyfriend up by his hair into a kiss. Ed’s hand didn’t slow down a beat.

Oswald gave in, coming in hot stripes across his own chest and Edward’s hand. The firm grip turned into loose touching until he moved the hand away, unable to take more. He panted, his limbs feeling heavy in the bed. Ed wiped the sweat off his brow, combing his hair back from his forehead and planted a soft kiss there.

“That was…”

“Hmm.” Ed happily hummed into his hair.

Oswald turned on his side in Ed’s arms. He wiped the sticky mess with the edge of the robe then slipped out of it, sitting on the bed. “Now, what do we have here?” He smirked as he repeated the words said to him.

He let his hands explore every part of Ed’s body he could reach. Intentionally avoiding his crotch. Tit for tat. If Ed wanted to tease, it was only fair he returned the favor.

“Oswald”, Ed warned in a deep voice when he tried to push into the hand only for it to be moved away. “If you don’t touch me soon, I will finish this on my own.” Oswald weighed the option. As much as he wanted to lean back and watch Ed pleasure himself, that could wait for another time.

He cupped Ed’s cock and balls and kissed his neck. Letting his palm slide up and down, he kissed his way down. He pulled a nipple between his teeth but seeing it didn’t affect Ed, he moved away from it. Following the trail of dark hair, his mouth ended up where his hand was. Hands on insides of thighs, he spread Ed’s lean legs, making space so he could settle between them, on his stomach.

He made a quick lick at where thigh met crotch, then repeated it on the other side. He smirked as he finally leaned down, taking Ed’s balls in his mouth, tasting his musky skin.

“Yes,” Ed groaned as Oswald took his cock in his hand and stroked it in languid motion. He let himself be touched like this for a while, before deciding to pull him up. They kissed, bodies pressed together. Then he flipped them over. He straddled Oswald and took his hand back to his cock. Together they continued jerking him off as they kissed.

“Yes, just like that,” he whined as Oswald dragged his thumb over the tip of his cock on the stroke up. “I can’t hold back much longer.”

“Then don’t.” Oswald sped up the movement of his hand. Ed let go of it to lean on his elbows. His hips stuttered, he furrowed his brow and with an arch of his back he came. Knees weak, he collapsed on his lover. It was his turn to be out of breath. Oswald let his hands roam over the sweaty skin.

  
After a while, Ed moved to the side. He took off his glasses and placed them on the night stand. Oswald wiped them both off with the robe before throwing it off the bed. They settled in each other's arms, goofy smiles on their faces.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That first time they dry humped.

_ Three weeks ago. _

* * *

 

What started as cuddles on the sofa with them sitting side-by-side, turned into a heated makeout session with groping very fast. Ed was relaxed, sinking into the cushions. Oswald sat on his lap, licking and biting up his neck while holding onto the back of the sofa, arms beside Ed’s head. 

Ed’s long fingers played in his hair, stroking and tugging in sync with his ministrations. They moved down his neck, to his shoulders, kneading them. Moving them up and down his arms now, Ed nuzzled the top of his head. Oswald came up for a heated kiss before sinking lower to lick the skin revealed by the unbuttoned shirt collar. His cock was straining against trousers and he shifted to get friction, as much as he could with the weight on top of him.

He let his hands wander down Oswald’s chest, to his stomach, then pushed them up under the west. Oswald could feel the heat of his palms as he licked a stripe up to his ear. The long fingers moved out, slipping even lower to ghost over his erection for a brief moment, causing him to moan, then moved to his sides. Ed hooked his fingers in Oswald’s belt loops and tugged to pull him closer.

“Mind the suit,” Oswald chided with a smile, while gripping both of his hands and untangling them from the expensive fabric. 

“Sorry,” Ed said, his mouth spreading in a nervous smile. He twisted his hands free and placed them on Oswald’s hips, pulling him close so their pelvises touched. They both moaned at the contact. 

Oswald leaned down, resting his forehead on Ed’s shoulder. The hands on his hips guided him to move in a lazy rhythm. Their erections pressed together through layers of clothes on each push forward. With every drag, he could feel the slide of his cock over the fine fabric of his boxer briefs, eased with the slick of his precome.

Ed slackened the hold on Oswald’s hips. He dragged his palms flat over the silk vest, up Oswald’s back. Pressing on his shoulder blades he pulled him down fully so their chests touched. Oswald’s grip on the sofa tightened in purchase. He craned his neck, looking up from Ed’s shoulder, over his long neck, bobbing Adam’s apple as he swallowed, to his reddened wet lips. His tongue darted out to wet his own bottom lip before he pushed himself up on his knees and slipped it into the parted mouth in front of him. 

Ed moaned, part in pleasure from the open mouth kiss and part in frustration as Oswald’s cock lost contact with his own due to height difference. As their tongues twisted around each other, he dragged his fingernails down the other’s back, until he was low enough to grab his ass in a tight grip. It was Oswald’s turn to moan, as he was pushed forward, his hardon pressing into Ed’s belly. 

His hips were moving on their own now, as his ass cheeks were kneaded. Ed’s right hand moved down the center, causing him to arch back and break the kiss, as it brushed over his balls, only to lose contact.  _ That won’t do _ , he thought as he realised that Ed was now palming his own erection while trying to catch his mouth in another kiss. He hooked his right arm behind Ed’s neck and grabbed his forearm with the left, causing him to whine. 

“Shhh,” he replied as he let himself slide down the lean body under him, until their cocks slotted against each other again. They both moaned at the friction. The pace increased as they moved, finally in sync. Their hips snapped, colliding, frantic with the desire, their breaths hitting each other’s lips as they panted. Ed bit his lip and furrowed his brow. A curl dropped over his forehead, his eyes losing focus. Oswald could feel the build up in his entire body as he neared the orgasm and the hands on his ass gripped even stronger. Then one hand let go of him, only to return with a firm slap to his right cheek.

“Ow! What-” he frowned at Ed in shock and confusion. It was fast replaced with the look of annoyance. They stopped moving.

“Sorry. Spur of the moment. I don’t know what came over me.” Ed huffed out as he pushed up his glasses, then gave a nervous giggle. “Well, except maybe the thrill of you coming over me…”

“Enough talking.” Oswald concluded with an eye roll, grabbed Ed by the back of his neck with both hands and pulled him down for a kiss. Over time, it proved to be the most effective method of shutting up one Edward Nygma. In response, Ed circled his palms on Oswald’s thighs, each time passing closer and closer to his hips. Finally, he shoved his hand between their bodies to palm his boyfriend’s erection. Oswald’s hips started moving again, fast and hard, slipping from Ed’s hand. Ed locked him in place with a firm press of his other hand on the small of his back. His own erection rubbed on his knuckles. 

“Let go,” Oswald panted. He wasn’t sure when they have stopped kissing to stare at each other with hooded eyes. He tried to wiggle out but Ed kept him firmly in place. “Let go, I need more.” He could feel his orgasm was close and he needed to move.  **Now** . 

He pulled Ed’s hand out of the way and slammed hard into him, increasing the pace as much as he could. Ed cupped his face, slid the other hand down to his ass. He pressed his thumb into Oswald’s mouth at the same time he pressed his middle finger between his cheeks. Feeling the finger rub across his cleft, even with the layers of clothes in between, simultaneously with the press of a hardon to his, Oswald arched his back and came. He shuddered through his orgasm as Ed pushed few more times into his oversensitive cock and came as well. 

They were both panting, coming down from the high of the orgasm. Ed’s glasses were askew and sweat was dripping down the side of his face. His curls hung over his forehead. He pushed the glasses back up with his forearm and wiped the sweat. Oswald was looking like a cat who ate the canary. With a smug expression on his face, he placed his hands on Ed’s chest and moved up to kiss him. The movement caused the mess in his pants to slip down over his flaccid cock and balls. The same must have happened to Ed as he scrunched up his face in disgust, looking down at his crotch. 

“Gross.”

Oswald chuckled at the situation before leaning up again. He didn’t get the chance to steal the kiss. 

“Gross. Grossgrossgross.” Ed mumbled, grabbing Oswald by his hips, showing him off himself and onto the sofa, in haste. Oswald nearly slipped off it, eyes wide. He managed to grab ahold of the armrest with one hand and the back of the sofa with the other. 

“Ed”, he called as he settled on the sofa, but was ignored. Ed stood up fast, going in the direction of the bathroom, all the while muttering to himself. 

He suddenly stopped mid stride and looked down at his inner thigh, squeamish. “Gross!” He pulled the pant leg away from his flesh as he continued to now hobble away.

Oswald sighed, his head and one arm over the back of the sofa and the other over the armrest, his legs splayed out. 

“Can I borrow your clean underwear?” Came the question from the other room. 

Oswald grabbed the small pillow from the corner of the sofa and covered his face with it in defeat.

_ “They’re in the top drawer,” he yelled back, crossing his arms over the pillow on his head. _

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry for cutting off the hot scene. I'm thinking of adding another chapter whith a happy conclusion. 
> 
> In my headcannon Oswald is a natural blonde like his mother but dies his hair black out if revolt because he never could be the "golden boy" so he decides to become something else. (Also in my headcannon why he's a bit jealous of Jim.)
> 
> If you want to chat, feel free to drop by on [ tumblr](https://deathbyotpin123.tumblr.com/) and say hi. :)


End file.
